Get a Room

I am a member of the American Association of Christian Counselors. They send me a newsletter/trade journal-type thing quarterly. Excellent piece of work for my profession. Toward the back is my favorite section from a guy named Gary D. Foster called The Foster Report. It is a whole page filled with random facts, research and stats from the Christian world. Check him out at GaryDFoster.com. From Gary we find this week’s Quote of the Week. Actually a couples of quotes.

The first on marriage:

The National Marriage Project at the University of Virginia had found that just 11% of college-educated Americans divorce within the first 10 years of marriage, compared with almost 37% for the rest of the U.S. population.

Stay in school kids. It’s good for your marriage!

Now for one near and dear to my heart, the baby boomers:

Some 10,000 Baby Boomers will turn 65 today and every day for the next 20 years.

I think I will go check on my 401K, or 403b, or my piggy bank. Yikes!

I have gotten the Turnbulls’ newsletter for several years. For a long time Bob and Yvonne have been teaching, speaking and writing on marriage and family issues. They have an interesting story themselves but their practical wisdom on marriage and family is excellent. Below is an example of their practical nature on how to have a stress-free Christmas. (Couldn’t we all use a good word on that?)

Note their website: turnbullministries.org as they have many resources and info there.

May our Lord bless you and your marriage & family this Christmas season. May it indeed be “the most wonderful time of the year” for you.

HOW TO HAVE A STRESS FREE CHRISTMAS

Bob and Yvonne Turnbull

Turnbull Ministries

Christmas 2011

Are you like us that one of the many things we like during this holiday time is the music?

We pull out all the old time Christmas favorites and start playing them the day after Thanksgiving. One of the songs we enjoy is Andy Williams’ holiday theme song, “Most Wonderful Time of the Year.”

But have you noticed along with being wonderful it can also be a very stressful time for many families? There is the pressure of buying gifts, decorating our home, putting up lights, sending cards, cooking and baking, attending parties, having house guests. To be honest with you there have been a few past Christmas times that we couldn’t wait for it to be over.

What a shame when Christmas should be a time of joyous celebration. We read about that in the angel’s statement to the shepherds of Bethlehem, “I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people.” (Luke 2:10) God had and continues to have great news for all of us and it is that God loves us so much that he came to earth as a human so we could get to know him and love him. That is something to celebrate.

So to help us enjoy this celebration and to make our families Christmas a stress free zone – here are a few tips for the Christmas Holidays.

Discuss Expectations

When expectations go unspoken, conflict can occur. To overcome this, have a family meeting as soon as possible and develop a plan. Discuss, pray and be in agreement as to where and with whom you are spending Christmas and how many activities you as a family will be involved in. Use a family calendar to organize activities and stay on track. Keep in mind on certain days not to schedule anything. Leave it open for spontaneity or chill time.

Don’t Go Into Debt For Christmas Gifts

Set a budget and stick to it. Nothing is more stressful then when the bills start arriving in January and you are struggling to make the payments for stuff that has already been laid aside or forgotten. In our family we agree upon an amount of money for gifts and then we cut that dollar amount in half. Half goes towards buying each family member a gift and the other half is used for buying gifts for less privileged children in our own community. It helps us keep in mind that Christmas is about giving not just receiving.

Extend Grace To Difficult Family Members

When we come together as family we often idealize family relationships and think they will be “different” this year.” If we are realistic about them we will be more relaxed and can have a better reaction to possible negative situations. Learn to practice what is taught in Colossians 4:6, “Let your conversations be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.” When your sister criticizes your cooking, simply smile and extend grace and forgiveness. When your uncle goes off about your Christian beliefs, don’t argue. Diffuse him with a smile and say, “Well I can see you feel very strongly about your views” and then change the subject.

Recharge Your Batteries

Make getting enough sleep a priority, or you will not have the energy or mood to enjoy the holidays. Do not overindulge in foods high in sugar and fat. One small bit can satisfy your sweet tooth. Increase your intake of vegetables and fruits as they contain the vitamins and minerals that helps reduce stress. If you want to increase your energy, get up off the couch and get moving. Go for a walk, the gym, park the car a distance from the store entrance, and take the stairs instead of the elevator. Pick what you like, but get moving.

Spend Time With Jesus

When you do this in the midst of your busy schedule He will help you keep your priorities in line and others will sense His presence in you and be drawn to Him. What a great gift to give others this Christmas season.

We both wish you a joyous and blessed Christmas!

My Dad has been in heaven now about 3 1/2 years, and yet he continues to “speak to me” from time to time. No, it’s not an audible voice. Probably better stated as “he continues to impress and influence me”. He touches me. Here is a recent example. A cool one.

He would have turned 84 Sunday, Nov 20, so my mind has been on him a lot lately. We were close. We ran a marathon together when he was almost 60. We literally ran 100’s of miles together over 25 years. Talked about everything from Ronald Reagan to Bill Clinton, theology, married life – we pretty much covered it all.

Anyway, I have this new workshop/barn and was trying to anchor a vice to my work bench last Saturday. Got the holes easily drilled on the Formica-like top, but when I started to screw the bolts in I discovered I could not get to them w/ my ratchet wrench.

FLASHBACK: When dad died in 2008, we had the typical task of going through all his stuff. He and mom had lived in their home 40 years. FORTY YEARS! Everything had to go because Mom had decided to move to an assisted living facility about a mile from her east TN home. (She made an amazing, God-led, miraculous transition, btw!) On the final day of sorting out who gets what and what gets thrown out, I decided to keep my dad’s old – very old – tool box which had some very old, partly-rusted tools. It was mainly out of respect for the many years he had crafted furniture and other wood-working items. (He was very talented in his shop, the most “precise” man I have ever known.) So thinking I would never need them but just wanted another something to remember him by, I took the tools.

Back to the present in my shop: I looked around and wondered how I was going to get the bolts down to secure the vice. I couldn’t find anything from my tools that would fit. So I went to my garage there I saw it – my dad’s faded-red metal dented tool box. I opened it and saw several well-worn open ended wrenches in there, grabbed a bunch of them and headed off to the barn where my shop is. The FIRST one I tried did the trick. Part of me said “Thanks, Dad”.

This trans-generational connection was a cool experience that my dad’s tools from yesterday were actually helping me today. For a moment I felt my Dad’s wanting to help me, his love from yesteryear once again.

Did my father “speak” to me from his grave? No. I prefer to view it as my Heavenly Father responding to His Son’s prayer many years ago. Jesus said that He would pray and ask the Father to send the Holy Spirit to us. Only He referred to Him as the “Comforter”. See John 14:16.

Though I wouldn’t for a moment wish he was back on this earth, I still miss my Dad. Will always I guess. In times when the miss is stronger, like around his birthday, the Father once again answers His Son’s prayer and sends me the Comforter in a most unique way.

Just a great thought for today. Sometimes it helps to see life through a kid’s eyes. It might not be as bad as you think.

On my way home one day, I stopped to
watch a Little League baseball game that was being played in a
park near my home. As I sat down behind the bench on the first-
base line, I asked one of the boys what the score was
‘We’re behind 14 to nothing,’ he answered
With a smile.

‘Really,’ I said. ‘I have to say you
don’t look very discouraged.’

‘Discouraged?’, the boy asked with a
Puzzled look on his face…

‘Why should we be discouraged? We haven’t
Been up to bat yet.’
This optimistic view reminds me of when my daughter Natalie had her first little league softball game. It was a double-header and I missed the first game due to work. When I came up as the second game was beginning, Natalie saw me at the end of the dugout. She ran up to me and yelled, “Dad, this is great. I’ve struck out five times. I LOVE softball!”

Attitude is critical. My wife always says it is the paintbrush of the mind. Ask God for the one you need today.

I just read an article online that talks of the latest proposal in the Mexican legislature. Ready for this? You’re sitting down, aren’t you? It is called Temporary Marriage License. Here’s the brief article and then you can read my comments below.

http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/44724855/ns/today-weddings/

If this idea is indeed gaining momentum in their legislative process, I can really see why. Divorce hurts so much. It costs so much. It takes so much time in the courts to “undo” a marriage. It’s the reason God said in Malachi “I hate divorce” (2:16 NASB). Because of all the junk associated with the tearing up of a marriage.

But for a society to allow its members to begin its concept of marriage with an easy off ramp, a built-in escape clause from the git-go, is … well let’s just say its a sad day for any society to plan for failure and make the ending of a marriage quite possible for sheer convenience.

If you have read me enough or heard Selma and me speak you know that we do not believe that someone divorced is a second-class citizen. Not at all. However, to develop an expiration date for what is supposed to be a lifetime commitment smacks in the face of how Christ described marriage:

Therefore what God has joined together, man must not separate. Mark 10:9 (HSCB)

I didn’t see in that verse what Christ gives an expiration date.

Come on people. Yes some marriages fail and that is sad. But please, let’s not get to the point where we plan for failure even as we begin our marriage. It’s sad and it does not – it should not compute.

Sometimes life just comes down to the simplest concepts. Here’s one by a renowned songwriter of the 20th century.

I am just a little girl who’s looking for a little boy who’s looking for a girl to love.

— from a musical written by Ira Gershwin, 1925

Ed Stetzer writes a blog with a big following. Literally thousands. Is that because he is a good writer? Articulate? Intelligent? Knows how to make a blog site look great? Well, that could have something to do with it!

A lot of people also read Ed because he’s not afraid to tackle the tough issues. Ed is not scared of controversy. Plus he addresses issues we need to think about whether they are ‘comfortable’ issues or not.

Tough issues.

Like pornography.

He’s currently writing a series on it. It is an ugly issue and perhaps it makes you feel a bit uncomfortable. The statistics are painful, yet we need to know them. We need to be informed so we can properly act.

Here is Thursday’s Quote of the Week from Ed, plus his blog site. I challenge you to read his blog. If nothing more than so you will know how to pray for our society, our families, your marriage.

Quote of the Week …

Addressing the issues of marriage, pornography, and homosexuality in biblical ways will enable a church to engage with its community and thrive in many ways. We must resist the temptation to acquiesce to culture through silence. The church should hold up the “new alternative lifestyle” (men married to women for life in a sexually pure covenant relationship) and live it out.

Ed Stetzer

(I told you he was articulate!)

http://www.edstetzer.com/2011/07/the-pornification-of-american.html#comments

Here is a cool statement on how critical a father figure is to a kid. It is from Randy Hemphill of LifeMinistries. Will talk about him in another blog for sure. Dads and dad-like men, stay on the wall. Keep working, investing, influencing that young guy you hang with. Spend time with them while you can. It flies by so quickly.

Anyway, here is the TQOTW (Thursday Quote of the Week):

“A boy without a father figure is like an explorer without a map.”

Maybe there IS a time you can wonder if you’d married the wrong person. Maybe.

Enjoy the Thursday Quote of the Day:

“The only time in my married life I have ever thought I might have married the wrong woman is when I saw Paula Deen. It wasn’t her pretty hair or pretty smile. It was because this woman puts a stick of butter in everything!”

– Comedian Aaron Wilburn

Thursday afternoon I looked at my calendar and saw that I had one more counseling session and my week would be made. A 4:00PM with a Joshua Smith. Didn’t know him and I was soon to find out why. (Normally I don’t share – wouldn’t DARE share the name of someone I am seeing, but this is a little different. You’ll see.)

You see, Joshua Smith is a fictitious name. My two daughters, Jennifer and Natalie, made him up. They scheduled the appointment with my assistant, Susan. Then, at 4:00PM promptly, they showed up and informed me that THEY had the last hour of my day plus a lot more. For Father’s Day they “kidnapped me”, taking me to several fun things for the 3 of us to do together.

We went to Sonic for the customary drink. Then they took me to Golf USA in M’boro. They had shorts for me, my clubs, sun screen for my hair-challenged head. I probably hit my driver better than I had at any range in my life. The girls took their swings and actually hit the ball well, too. Before we left we played a round of miniature golf as well. I mostly remember laughter there.

The weather cooperated the whole afternoon with a cloudy day, no rain and lots of breeze. (Thx, Lord.)

We then ate dinner at Longhorn’s, one of my favs. Then, we capped off the evening by getting a cookie at Julia’s.

As we drove home I told them it would have been just as much fun if we 3 had simply walked in the park. It wasn’t the money spent. It was the TIME we shared. It was the effort in planning. It is usually the butt of a joke nowadays, but this time it correctly applies: it was the THOUGHT that counted.

Thank-you, girls, for a wonderful and memorable, and personalized Father’s Day. And thank you, God, for the blessing of such beautiful daughters. One is a wife and mom herself these days. The other is engaged and eagerly pursuing a Master’s degree to soon become a Physician Assistant. So proud of both of them and the men in their lives (David, Jonathan and Josiah).

Sorry if all this sounds sappy or bragging but when you are blessed, it’s just hard to contain. So thanks for letting me share such a special blessing with you.