Get a Room

As a marriage minister, I have about 350 things to say about Cameron Diaz’ statement about not believing in love for a lifetime. She also said that marriage isn’t meant to last a life time. You can google her statement complete with all of her … uh, colorful things she says about commitment and marriage.

She doesn’t seem to respect the institution at all. Perhaps it is intimidating to her.

Some of the responses to her views are quite interesting. Some people support her of course, saying that marriage is an outdated idea. Others are pointed, like the guy who said her opinion is a defense mechanism in that she cannot keep a long-term relationship and has been dumped several times. Still others state that that is all we need, more marital advice from Hollywood.

Here is my take:

First, Cameron Diaz has a right to her opinion. But, please, let’s just receive it as that – an opinion. Also, I am curious where her statement is coming from when she asks, “Who wants to be married to the same person for 80 years?”.  (Cameron, can you not see my raised hand???)

Mostly I feel sorry for someone who goes on record as stating that love cannot last a lifetime. My wife and I – and hundreds of couples here at LifePoint Church – are in the process of proving her wrong. Sometimes it doesn’t last, I understand, but to adopt the philosophy that lifelong love is impossible appears to be down right defeatist.

Taking her thoughts on how love should be approached – the five-years-at-a-time-and-then-on-to-someone-else formula – could be devastating, especially in one’s latter years. Let’s imagine Cameron Diaz at 80 years old and she has stuck to her philosophy of “serial monogamy” all her life. In retrospect she reflects, not on a love that has gone with her through thick and thin; rather, a series of ten to twelve 5-year arrangements, that have all faded when the new wore off. No substance. No time to experience the challenges of life that forge the character of a relationship. No life journey together. No tasting of the institution created by her Creator.

I am not saying everyone needs to be married. Paul even states that in the New Testament. However, one should not attack the institution of marriage so boldly if they’ve never been there. Admittedly it is tough at times. It is frequently hard work, yet what isn’t that is worth anything?

There is no quick fix here. Love takes time.

To build trust over time through learning to handle conflict; or

to grow together in a sexual relationship through the years; or

to labor as a marriage team through the curves life throws at us; or

to dream long-term dreams side by side; or

to walk closer to the Lord, year after year after year … together.

Those are some of the qualities developed in a life time of love and marriage, not a series of short term partnerships.

Miss Diaz, you may keep your opinion. As stated above, you are entitled to it. Yet will I keep my image of marriage as well as it is being wonderfully played out as I write this. I pray that you change your mind, however, and hope when you are 80, that you are able to look back on a long love (ideally with the Lord Jesus Christ Himself in the mix). It will be an infinitely richer perspective I assure you.

And it is possible.

As Christ Himself told us: “The things that impossible with men are possible with God.” Luke 18:27

Set aside the moral angle of the argument for living together before marriage for just a moment. Here is some research data from a recent study to consider on the matter.

Read this brief article. He wouldn’t remember it but I met Scott Stanley years ago at a marriage summit in D.C. and he knows his stuff.

http://mentalhealthnews.org/living-together-before-marriage-may-lead-to-divorce/841566/

My Mom and Dad celebrated their 63rd wedding anniversary before he died a couple of years ago, but they never had anything like this happen. (At least I don’t think so although Mom could have some cash stashed away somewhere…?)

Enjoy:

An elderly couple was celebrating their sixtieth anniversary. The couple had married as childhood sweethearts and had moved back to their old neighborhood after they retired. Holding hands, they walked back to their old school. It was not locked, so they entered, and found the old desk they’d shared, where Andy had carved I love you, Sally .

On their way back home, a bag of money fell out of an armored car, practically landing at their feet. Sally quickly picked it up and, not sure what to do with it, they took it home. There, she counted the money-fifty thousand dollars! Andy said, We’ve got to give it back. Sally said, Finders keepers. She put the money back in the bag and hid it in their attic.

The next day, two police officers were canvassing the neighborhood looking for the money, and knocked on their door. Pardon me, did either of you find a bag that fell out of an armored car yesterday? Sally said, No. Andy said, She’s lying. She hid it up in the attic. Sally said, Don’t believe him, he’s getting senile!

The agents turned to Andy and began to question him. One said: Tell us the story from the beginning.Andy said, Well, when Sally and I were walking home from school yesterday ….The first police officer turned to his partner and said, We’re outta here!

No it wasn’t a special number of years this time around but it was a special way of celebrating for sure.

First ladies, a word about Selma. My wife has a way of making the least little thing I do for her gi-normous! She always seems to be finding ways to boast in front of others about what I do for her. I encourage you to do the same for your husband. It will build his confidence and encourage him to try more things for you.

So when I tell you that we celebrated by simply going to a hotel in downtown Nashville and eating at a fancy restaurant, she would tell you that the most amazing thing happened this weekend. She would tell you every little detail (okay not every detail) elaborating on the smallest things. She makes the whole experience seem like it was the best thing that ever happened to our 34 year-old marriage.  As she told the girls when we returned there was so much energy is how she spoke. I love to hear her tell her version of any celebration we have.

We went to the Hermitage Hotel for one night. It is a block from the capitol building and is 100 years old this September. Rally cool place. We also got the romantic package at the Melting Pot – the picture, the flowers, etc. It seemed to take forever, which was a good thing. It gave us time to look back on our marriage moments. We always seem to remember more when we get away.

Back on our 25th, we also went to the Melting Pot. Then, we took the whole evening and remembered something from each year of our marriage. I advise you to do that at some marker anniversary. It’s a great relationship builder. This year we picked up from the 25th until now. Wow – a lot has happened in the last 9-10 years!

We then strolled around Second Avenue and back to the hotel, carrying flowers and a picture frame. A little older than most of the Second Avenue crowd. Perhaps happier than many of them, too.

That’s the headlines. For the complete story, talk to Selma. I promise you she’ll have a lot more to say.

You’ve heard the phrase often, perhaps ever since Rick Warren’s famous opening line in The Purpose Driven Life, but when you are in a family with kids, it’s not (just) about you. You are a part of a system that is affected by almost every decision you make.

That doesn’t mean you automatically decide not to move. Just be aware of the effect your move will have on all family members.

Here is a brief Focus on the Family article on how you can make your transition easier for your kids. It contains some practical tips on how to begin the assimilation process for them as you enter your new community. Brief, yet practical help:

http://www.focusonthefamily.com/parenting/articles/kids-and-moving.aspx

Rental car companies seem to be competing with the airline industry on charging for this and that. Adding those subtle things that you might not see at first, if ever.

Here is an offering from msnbc.com that could help you the next time you need to rent a car. The author is fair, giving the rental car companies their due, but he’s also got some helpful ideas on how to keep them from pulling a fast one on you.

Stay smart guys!

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/37551863/ns/travel-tips//

Just a couple of quick reminders/encouragers for you today, from a couple of unique, seemingly random sources, that perhaps you don’t read about every day. I know I don’t.

Enjoy. Be inspired to do something to build your marriage today!

ONE – 2008 US Census: One quarter of divorces that took place in previous year were among those married 20 years or longer. So whatever stage your marriage is in, don’t let it fade. If you’ve been married a short time or a long time, keep working on it. Keep flirting with each other. Keep teasing each other. Have fun with it. Keep making your sex life better and better. Give it attention. Don’t have an (Al and Tipper) GORE-ing marriage!

Actually I pray for the Gore marriage. All the press I read about them has them already divorced when the only official word I’ve heard from them is that they are separating. I’ve met Al two different times. One on one he seems like a nice gentleman. Just to show you that anyone’s marriage can drift and drifting can lead to separation and sometimes worse.

TWO – “There is no more ‘charming relationship’ than a good marriage.” Martin Luther

Make your marriage attractive today – to your mate and yourself. Not by changing your spouse, but by being the best spouse you can be.

Just for today. Then, day by day.

I boast completely in the Lord but I am so proud of our church. Tonight was the ordination of 3 men and the licensing of another from Team Bangkok as it sets its sights for Thailand. The Lord allowed me to witness tonight one of the most inspirational examinations of an ordination council I’ve ever experienced. The theological and spiritual maturity of this crew was incredible. Kyle Tanner, Steve Van Dyke, and Brandon Hathcock were amazing in their humility, yet wisdom.

When I was a kid in the ministry (and that was a loooong time ago!) a fellow, older staff member used to pray over me quite frequently that God would grant me “wisdom beyond my years”. I think to an extent God granted that persistent prayer. But compared to how these guys handled themselves tonight in the face of some tough theological questions, I don’t think I would have measured up.They all seem to have wisdom well beyond their years.

Noticed that I only mentioned 3 of the 4 men. The other is Seth Hood. Now I am proud of Seth for sure, having seen his journey for 15+ years now. I have seen how he has grown in the faith and that growth is significant. And I want him recognized for sure. But I’ll let his dad – his proud dad and our Senior Pastor – tell you about how Seth handled himself tonight.

I told Pat in front of the council tonight that he ought to be proud as a dad. He quickly assured me that he was. It wasn’t hard to detect. Pat beamed with a pride and thanks to God for all of them, but of course especially for Seth. You can read his comments at Pat’s blog.

A proud moment indeed for LifePoint. But again we boast only in the Lord, of course. How good He has been to our church. The future of LifePoint as it prepares to launch abroad is exciting and needs our support.

Please join me in praying for and in giving to the Team Bangkok cause as the Lord leads you.

One more item on Team Bangkok: At LifePoint Church, (Smyrna and Stewart Creek campuses) we will commission this super team Sunday morning, June 6. How exciting and fitting that we show our support, love and prayers for this team as they head to another land to serve our Lord and be establish the LifePoint Bangkok campus.

You have read how excited I am about them. (See last week’s posting.) I encourage you to be there to offer your encouragement to them this Sunday.

A commissioning is like a corporate blessing on an individual, couple or group. This will be precisely what we will do Sunday. Our blessing will essentially say, “1) We believe what you are doing is right; 2) we pledge to pray for you; 3) we promise to support you in other ways in addition to praying; and 4) we affirm you for risking, sacrificing and plunging head on into what and where you feel God is calling you.”

Be there Sunday … to be a blessing to Team Bangkok and for a blessing of your own.

Let’s talk about Team Bangkok. (We’ll cover Team Belgium later.) Selma and I recently visited Team Bangkok in Atlanta. In prep for their adventures in Thailand, they have been in Atlanta for the last FIVE MONTHS ministering like crazy to people of almost every ethnic shape, size and color. They have also been in a “grueling” schedule of school, focusing on missiology and theology. Reading and reporting on two books per week – that’s right – PER WEEK. Setting up a home and ministry in a land and culture thousands of miles from here ought to be cake compared to the school schedule they have endured in Atlanta.

One major observation I can make about everyone on this team: they have grown spiritually. They are close to the Lord, so pray for them – especially now. I remember in seminary discovering that when God calls you into a special ministry relationship with Him, the enemy works overtime to discourage you, lying to you, tempting you along with many other things he’s been doing for several millennia. Pray for their protection, for their marriages, that they will guard their hearts and stay pure, inside their marriage or in their singleness.

I am proud and grateful to Team Bangkok. No, they haven’t yet arrived at their destination, but spend a few moments with them and you catch their commitment. They actually cannot wait to get on the field. Isn’t that the way it should be? Oh that more people loved their jobs and were as passionate about the work they do.

Team Bangkok is coming home this weekend. “Home”, that is, here in Smyrna. In a sense they are really just passing through. Their sights and hearts are set for another land. If you see any of them at LifePoint this Sunday please offer them encouragement. Ask how they are doing and how specifically you can pray for them. We are their home church and they need to know we are with them. In the midst of your busy Sunday, ask God to make you aware of Team Bangkok this weekend and to find a way to love on them.

They are leaving for Thailand soon so let’s make the most of the time we have with them. A special group indeed and I am very proud of all of them already.

Here is Team Bangkok:

Bret and Susie Cox

Brandon and Crystal Hathcock

Steve and Tiffany Van Dyke

Kyle Tanner

Seth Hood

Brett and Beth Clark

Julia Biasi

I have emails if you’d like to connect with them that way. Just let me know.